Archive for the ‘Unlimited Possibility’ Category

Faith & Leaps

Posted: February 26, 2011 in Unlimited Possibility

Faith & Leaps

Taking a leap of faith is freaking SCARY.  The edge of the cliff is there, you’re there (with a blindfold) — and something in your gut is telling you to step out in the air not knowing what or if anything’s under you.  There is a football stadium chorus of voices going on in your head debating with each other as to their opinion on the matter.  Do it — don’t do it(!) — you’ll die — you will fly — what about blankety-blank(?!) — what about what’s-their-name — who’s going to catch you — you’ll look like a fool — what if you’re cripple after this — are you effin’ CRAAAZZYYYY??!!

Your head is screaming, your gut is churning — but something,… something inside tells you that you NEED to do this.  Sometimes I hate that voice.  It’s the quietest, least explainable one… yet it compels me to follow.  With only faith.  Try a new thing that I might not be good at, might FAIL at.  And what is failure except a dictation of my own mind based on what my experience has determined?  So many of my “failures” have turned out to be blessings.  Lessons I’ve learned on how to NOT do something.  They say Edison did not think he failed… he successfully found 4,296 (whatever) ways that the lightbulb did not work.  Isn’t it all just a PR-spin on our perception and definition?  My idea of a flaw was not doing something perfect.  Then my idea of “perfect” changed.  There are no such thing as mistakes.  It’s all a part of the process.  You have to start somewhere.  You have nowhere to go but up.  I set the bar so high for myself it’s self-defeating to even contemplate making the mark.  Understanding my strengths and not-so-strengths have helped me to evolve simply what I am BETTER at.  I’m not much of a basketball star (for reasons dictated by gravity), I can’t play sudoku for shit (I am a words-girl not a numbers person), sometimes I am afraid of crowds (the conflicting energies overwhemingly swirl around me) — I am great at interpreting dreams (really fantastical random answers come to me from angels), I am so good at explaining movement of chi through a body (being a dancer, gymnast, crossfitter, and martial artist), — I am awesome at conveying life through analogies through things I write (my genius-genie likes to visit me often.)

Faith is something in me that is a part of me.  Faith is God.  Faith is not knowing the prediction of an outcome but doing it anyways. Faith is that elusive grasp of the universe working through me even if I’m not sure if I can be the vessel.  Faith is not needing to trust me, but trust that this is the right thing happening at the exact right moment — and I only have to keep taking steps and be excited to see what the result is going to be.  It’s like a first-date with myself and I get to see if I’m going to be marriage-material.

I might not know what the frell I’m doing half the time,… but at least I know I’m good at leaping.  Go ahead,… You leap too.


“…Because I remember the past, I am worried about the future…”
— The Power of Kindness by Piero Ferrucci

Do you ever get that (what I like to call) i’m-going-to-take-a-test-tomorrow-but-i-forgot-to-study feeling?  A churning in your gut cascading from the roller-coaster in your mind, where you’re not sure if you’re going to puke or pass-out, but GAWD you want it go awwwway.  You’re doing something normal like driving to work, standing in the shower, or paying the bills (not contemplating Fran lol.)  And you’re NOT going to take any sort of test tomorrow.  That is the direct result of not living-in-the-now.  It’s because you started thinking about the what-ifs or if-onlys.  What if I don’t get enough money to make the rent?  What if he’s a playah?  What if I die on the bus?  If only I’d told her how I really felt.  If only I hadn’t’ve drove home drunk.  If only I wouldn’t have lied…

Dwelling on the past or projecting into the future means you’re not LIVING IN THE PRESENT, you’re not participating in the right-here-right-now.

Wanna know the trick for getting yourself out of the mind-fuck?  Return yourself to the moment you’re in.  Sounds simple, huh?  Beam me up Scotty.  No really, there’s like a zenny tao mantra you can recite to yourself — it’s complicated,… you say to yourself, “right now I am BLANK.”  And then you fill in the blank with whatever you’re doing, and say it over and over until the frelling feeling-of-ick goes away.  “Right now my ass is in the seat of the car… right now my hands are on the steering wheel… right now I’m driving on the freeway… right now I am turning on my blinker…”   What it does is return your consciousness to the same moment that your body is in.

When we’re in the future or in the past, we’re not in the now.  It’s like your brain takes your spirit hostage and puts it on a merry-go-round with Alice in Wonderland as Julie the cruise director.  Like that movie The Fly when pieces parts of Jeff Goldblum get caught up in different transport pods and well… you know what happened with that one.  The solution is to realign everything in the same place at the same time.  Our MIND is always a bulldog terrorist, brainwashing us into thinking it knows best.  You know — logical,… impersonal,… protected (don’t get hurt don’t ever get hurt.)  Our HEART is like the friggin’ pms romance-novel angel-on-our-shoulder sap, compelling us to open ourselves up to love, do what is right.  Emotional,… irrational,… way-too-personal,… vulnerable (take a chance, take a risk, run free, bleed.)

MIND is ego, HEART is instinct.  Mind says all the shoulds.  Heart says all the cans.  Your mind tells you that you will never be a writer because you’ve gotten all those rejection letters. Your heart tells you to keep trying, don’t give up, JR Rowlings got a dozen for Harry Potter.  Your mind tells you that you probably won’t PR that 30-muscleups wod because you’ve only ever done two.  Your heart tells you who the hale cares, everyone started off with two at SOME time and if you do two every minute, you’ll finish in 15 minutes.  Your mind tells you you’re never going to meet the man of your dreams.  Your heart tells you eliminating all the knuckle-dragging-neanderthals is only INCREASING your odds of running into the knight-in-shining-armor.  Your mind tells you that you’ll never qualify for the Games because shit, it’s just effing HARD.  Your heart tells you to follow the cosmic law ( sometimes ya juuust gotta say fuckit), make a schedule, train, and GO for iT.  The ego tells you what is logically possible.  Your instinct tells you to believe in the IMPOSSIBLE.  To believe in unlimited possibility.

Either do something about it, or don’t.  Those are the only two choices to resolving something from the past or future that you kind of don’t have control over when THINKING about it. Thinking is not necessarily strategery.  It’s not planning, it’s not deciding, it’s not ACTION.

My rule of thumb is, if something comes up in my consciousness three times after I thought I let it go, then it’s time to DO something about it.  Do I regret what I said to that person?  Then I need to apologize… or buy them flowers,… SOMETHING.  Am I running sort of an instant-replay video-tape in my head about what I REALLY wanted to say?  Then I need to figure out if I really need to say it, fess up, clear my conscience.

Meat of the tongue is the sustenance you give another with your time, attention, and kind words. It’s paleo, hell why not LOL.

Don’t waste your time (or mine) by not giving yourself the most you deserve.  To live authentically — being true to you — living as if today is your last day — if you had a chance to do it all over again, you wouldn’t change a thing.  Pay attention to who’s in front of you right now.  Pay attention to who YOU are right now.  Pay attention to what you have the power to change.  Pay attention to this moment because you can never get it back.

Be present.  Be present.  Be present.

She steps off the soapbox and takes a bow.  CFCMup over & out.