Under the Influence

Posted: March 6, 2011 in Family Craziness


Grass in the shade grows,… differently, I’d imagine.  Is the chemistry of the soil affected by the lack of the sun?… Not to mention the direction of the blade and the strength and depth of the roots.  Grass is very pliable and takes on the imprint of something heavy laid on it.  The color of it isn’t as bright if it’s under the influence of lack-of-light coupled with the heft of cinder-blocks — it just aint as healthy ya’know?

How much euphemistic cement has been laid on your soul?  You probably thought I should say soil,… but I mean it the same — the foundation for your “grass”… the stuff growing out of you showing the lawn of your life.  Has the water been a futile effort because a pile of logs is in the way?  Is the fertilizer only bullshit heaped on seedless ground?  Have things been trampled and packed-down so there’s a broken trail cutting through your field but it’s not leading to where you want it to go?  Is the sunshine unreachable and unattainable to catalyze the chlorophyll into a vibrant green and you’ve fooled yourself to think you’re a new breed of deprived albino-strain bred to subsist in caves?  Do you only care what your “neighbor” thinks, constantly comparing your yard to their’s, competing in a jone’s-way to be just… more?  Or do you take pride in what you’ve done with your own two hands and bent-back, cultivating with purpose and consideration.

We are our grass — and our lawn speaks for itself.  I’m no expert but my friend is.  Yes she is a bonified freaking grass-expert professional and she (in effect) has told me exactly what I need to do to fix my soul.

Offload the fucking bricks one by one.  Doesn’t matter how much naturey rain or purified spring water I sprinkle or pour onto that shit, it isn’t gonna grow right, BE right,… be ABLE to grow verdant and true, with the burden of the past scarring its direction.  Once the load is lifted there needs to be a status-check to see what the reality of the situation is.  A little bit of sun will have to be shined.  At first it will seem too bright and it’ll feel like the light is scalding, but after the initial weak/retarded/crippled/damaged pieces have been seared-away, that’ll leave a void for the possibility of seed-receptivity.  The earth will probably have to be stirred up a bit to aerate the stagnant places to get some air where the sun don’t shine so-to-speak — and that will feel uncomfortable like a tilling-machine rammed up our ass.  Awesome.  Something to distract me and look forward to when I thought I was going to just be able to lay there on the down-low and breathe (for a few years) after the damn clutter was removed.  You mean I don’t get to fly under the radar?

Swailing might need to be done.  Burn that mess to the ground, nuke it for broke get rid of the weeds and disease in one fell swoop.  Hurts though.  Hard to see through the smoky haze that’s unseeable to the other-side.  The smell clings to everything and it seems like you’ll never get clean.

Decide the seeds — which means set your intention.  Only an idiot would clear the area then pray or wish the type of result you want, miraculously poofs on the scene.  Do you long to be Kentucky bluegrass or Bermuda?  ARE you turfgrass but want to be fescue?  How much shade do you need, how high-maintenance are you?

Then a crop has to be planted.  Oh yea, and that means some stupid birds have to be fended off.  I think some sort of netting (let’s call it safety-netting) is a good idea,… I’m, I mean the shoots, are still fragile and this will give a little manageable shade (reprieve,… haven) — still letting the sun through while keeping the peckers off.

I’ll be vulnerable to the elements and environment at this stage, requiring a lot of tender-lovin’ care.  And bluntly, we’re just not going to know for sure if that dirt is going to let anything “take.”  Dirt’s pretty resilient though.  You can throw trash and compost and shit (virtually) on it and that stuff will magic-wand it into mutant super-powers dirt.  With a little help from fairies and worms of course.  Unseen support coming from places we didn’t really think could be so important.

Just when you thought all the hard work was done, you’ll need to take a look at the surroundings and see if extraneous “things” are inhibiting the chances of survival.  You’re tired and want to rest but yer going to hafta paul-bunyan it up and ax some of those dead tree branches jutting precariously lifeless over your field, and cut away some of those pesky hanger-on vines.  Trim that crap AWAY,… because it’s causing “shadow” where you don’t want it,… and well,… it’ll just be um lighter and PRETTIER, more feng-shuiy too.  Yes now you have the ability to start paying attention to neglected, ignored and avoided things like aesthetics.  Took too-much out of you before — but now’s when it has to happen.  It’s not enough to be dirt.  There’s gotta be some hope.  There’s gotta be some bling.

Then,… one of the most important parts,… time.  To be patient and wait for things to take root.  For baby-shoots to sprout and that should start to give you some giggles of laughter bubbling up because admit it,… you were afraid things were barren beyond repair.  But there you are… coming back to life again.  Then as the beginnings get stronger, the water of love gives the grass purpose to reach for the stars along with the sun.

Annndd in my usual Kathisms — sooo many freaking steps to the process — can’t I just lay SOD?! Haha Unfortunately my verdict is that would be the not-so-cheap yet easy way to get to the point.  Because isn’t the main objective here, to grasp own my value?  Understand that the labor is a necessity to prove I’m worth the hard work.  I AM worth it. It’s not easy being green — but I deserve it. To be soft and lush and full,… so I can roll-round on & in myself, inviting the picnic-of-life to come play on me.

I’m done with being “under the influence.” It’s time to grow my own damn self.  BOOYAH.

  1. Bellachink says:

    As soon as my little blades begin to absorb the nutrients of fertilizer to my soul I feel energized and grow stronger… Yet with all things being in season I begin to feel the warmth of the sun and soak up all it’s glory. I am stretching with all my might to grow…to become strong enough to be snowed on, soaked with rain, trampled on and yet I still unfold and become whole again. Sometimes it takes longer, when trampled upon, or sunlight witheld or blocked. But my roots are deep and though I may face times of uncertainty I recover to “bloom” again. It is a cycle, and at times more fertilizer is needed and other more sun but either way I cannot lose.

  2. lisa bellomy says:

    your grass will be the most lush, strong and disease resistant around when you nurture it the way you described!! It is all in the timing and the patience…and you have both!! You have done the trimming, you have done the preparation and now it is time to sit back and watch the little blades break thru the barren soil. and with a little fertilizer and some rain, it will become the best damn freakin turf on the planet!!! I am proud of you cougie!!! You are breaking thru… and I LOVED the writing…it is so awe inspiring!!! love you girl!!

  3. klowe says:

    Awesome Kath! I’m a dirt garden freak so I love the “soul garden” setting. About sod. Everyone that looks at it knows that it is fake and usually laying on top of a pile of construction waste : )

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