Faith & Leaps

Posted: February 26, 2011 in Unlimited Possibility

Faith & Leaps

Taking a leap of faith is freaking SCARY.  The edge of the cliff is there, you’re there (with a blindfold) — and something in your gut is telling you to step out in the air not knowing what or if anything’s under you.  There is a football stadium chorus of voices going on in your head debating with each other as to their opinion on the matter.  Do it — don’t do it(!) — you’ll die — you will fly — what about blankety-blank(?!) — what about what’s-their-name — who’s going to catch you — you’ll look like a fool — what if you’re cripple after this — are you effin’ CRAAAZZYYYY??!!

Your head is screaming, your gut is churning — but something,… something inside tells you that you NEED to do this.  Sometimes I hate that voice.  It’s the quietest, least explainable one… yet it compels me to follow.  With only faith.  Try a new thing that I might not be good at, might FAIL at.  And what is failure except a dictation of my own mind based on what my experience has determined?  So many of my “failures” have turned out to be blessings.  Lessons I’ve learned on how to NOT do something.  They say Edison did not think he failed… he successfully found 4,296 (whatever) ways that the lightbulb did not work.  Isn’t it all just a PR-spin on our perception and definition?  My idea of a flaw was not doing something perfect.  Then my idea of “perfect” changed.  There are no such thing as mistakes.  It’s all a part of the process.  You have to start somewhere.  You have nowhere to go but up.  I set the bar so high for myself it’s self-defeating to even contemplate making the mark.  Understanding my strengths and not-so-strengths have helped me to evolve simply what I am BETTER at.  I’m not much of a basketball star (for reasons dictated by gravity), I can’t play sudoku for shit (I am a words-girl not a numbers person), sometimes I am afraid of crowds (the conflicting energies overwhemingly swirl around me) — I am great at interpreting dreams (really fantastical random answers come to me from angels), I am so good at explaining movement of chi through a body (being a dancer, gymnast, crossfitter, and martial artist), — I am awesome at conveying life through analogies through things I write (my genius-genie likes to visit me often.)

Faith is something in me that is a part of me.  Faith is God.  Faith is not knowing the prediction of an outcome but doing it anyways. Faith is that elusive grasp of the universe working through me even if I’m not sure if I can be the vessel.  Faith is not needing to trust me, but trust that this is the right thing happening at the exact right moment — and I only have to keep taking steps and be excited to see what the result is going to be.  It’s like a first-date with myself and I get to see if I’m going to be marriage-material.

I might not know what the frell I’m doing half the time,… but at least I know I’m good at leaping.  Go ahead,… You leap too.


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