Take My Own

Posted: October 6, 2010 in Getting Therapyized


Sometimes when I say things with my mouth, it’s for my OWN ears to hear.  Ya’knoooow, when you’re spouting off some shit to your friend “what you need to do is…” — and then I actually ABSORB the words I’m going-off about and have to stop.  CRAP.  I’m giving advice to myself.  They say “others teach what they need to learn.”  And some people think I’m wise for the things I feel compelled to say, but mostly I know the universe has me saying what I need to listen to.  That’s why I don’t usually give advice or ask for it.  Because it’s all relative.  And it’s just trouble waiting to happen because I am not a QUIET person lol.  The advice they’re giving to ME, is usually what they want to employ for themselves… “you need to tell him to go fuk himself…”, “what you need to DO is take charge of the situation and blankety blank…”, “what you should think about is…”  On and on and WHATEVVEERRRR.   And today I told a girl what she should say to a guy and dammit if it wasn’t the exact thing I needed to be saying TOO.  Crap.  Crap crap CRAP.  If everyone in my world is my mirror and they are a reflection of me, I need to take a good hard look.  What are they hesitant about and why?  What am I dragging my feet about WHY??  What I realized at that moment, is that no matter how fearless I usually am — there are some things that I just don’t want the real answer for.  YET.  But I WANT the truth!  And yeaaaa, it might not be what I’m ready to know right now.  Wondering why THEY aren’t taking the action I think I want from them.  Soooo REALLY,… I must want to bitch about the circumstances I’m keeping myself in limbo about.  Which translates to having an attachment to them alleviating ME from taking the action.  I want you to have the balls I don’t.  I want you to ante up first.  I want YOU to take the risk of putting yourself out there to protect me from ending up with egg on my face.  But nothing of worth comes without taking a chance.  THE chance to speak up for myself and ASK for what I want.  You never get what you don’t go for.  And if the door closes or IS closed already, wouldn’t my path be easier if I quit banging my head up against it?  Instead, I like to stand there paralyzed like a dumbass and whine about things not going my way.  (I’m sure none of y’all have ever done this <grin>.)   I said a wise thing once, “if you want your life to be different, it’s up to you to change it.”  I’m just pissed-off that I need to take my own advice.  I need to learn to keep my mouth shut HAHAHA!


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